Friday, April 4, 2008

Losing a Hero-Right Track/Wrong Track

The nation is totally bummed. The majority of Americans now feel we are headed on the wrong track. The economy hemorrhaging jobs, as CNNMoney reports this morning, furthering fueling an already dyspeptic population. There are a number of reasons the nation is bummed out. But I think there is one principal reason. His name is Tom Cruise. Not often mentioned, Tom Cruise's inability to have a box office smash for the last several years is fueling the nation's depression. Americans don't agree about God, or policy, or foreign affairs, or economic strategy, we can't agree on sports, or really much of anything. This diversity of opinion was always one of our strengths because it centered around one inalienable truth...we all loved Tom Cruise.

Top Gun...Risky Business, A Few Good Men, Top Gun, Jerry Maguire, Magnolia, Days of Thunder (Top Gun in Race Cars), The Firm, Mission: Impossible, Vanilla Sky, Top Gun

In fact we thought we knew Tom so well. Short hair meant fast-acting action star, long hair contemplative super genius.

Then as we all know tragedy happened. Tom hit the brakes and we flew right by. Oprah was attacked.

And the nation watched as we all lost our first love. To guys we forever lost our wingman, ladies, your American Lover. Saddest of all-we lost a piece of ourselves.

So my fellow Americans, remember as you're thinking about right track/wrong track and questions of our future. Remember when you are thinking about Global Warming, the economy, The Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Health Care, and the scores of issues facing us, remember they aren't the key.

The Key is Tom.

So when you are considering who to vote for this November. There should be but one question on your mind (again we have to fill in for the mainstream media)...which candidate is best suited to making Tom Cruise a box office smash again?

Think about it people. Let's get back that loving feeling.......

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